Thoughts About Fashion And Acceptance
Filed in: Fashion
Once in a while I get comments from people that tell me that they experience a lack of acceptance when it comes to fashion. Standing out from the crowd is never easy, I have often experienced this myself. I grew up in a very small place and my interest in fashion wasn’t always conceived in good ways. The most silly rumors went around only cause I never wore the typical “uniform” that consisted mostly of sports wear. When I moved to Oslo I thought all of this would change, but it didn’t. I’m not as visible here so it helps, but still I experience all kinds of consumptions. From girls who look at me with the evil eye because I like to dress up, to men that think girls that are interested in fashion are stupid and shallow, to different groups of people that never see me as one of them because I change my style all the time to any person that stares on the street…
I am not really trying to stand out in any way. I think because of my experiences while growing up fashion has become a way of expressing my self and my moods. Sometimes I’m feeling silly and then I’ll wear a stupid outfit, then I’m feeling happy and I’ll dress up or I’m feeling depressed and I might choose something safe to protect my self. I don’t really get why it should be a big deal to some people. All in all it’s just clothes. If everybody looked the same this world would be a boring place to be.
I get easily bored with things and then I have to try something new. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. You’ve all been witnessing my ups and downs the past few months. While I thought it was scary at first, it has made me stronger. I don’t let negative comments get to me anymore. I dare more than I used to when it comes to trying new things. I feel more secure in my own style. I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that I can’t care about what people on the street think about what I’m wearing. It’s my life and I love fashion.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on these things.
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17 Comments
August 9th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
You stick your self out there and that shows a lot of strength and character. People who criticize just try to put themselves in a better light because of low self esteem anyway…You are the perfect example of what we would like to present in Oslostil but as you said sometimes clothes are being used as protection yourself from criticism. All in all clothes is not something superficial, its does actually make a great deal of your identity!
Lots of Love;
Hilde
August 9th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
You rock, Agathe. I know I for one have been completely challenged to try new looks because of reading your blog. *mwah*
As to standing out in a crowd…I understand. I’ve always been a little crazier or dressed up than most, and now that I live in the Midwest, that’s even more true. I feel odd sometimes, I guess. But most of the rest of the time? I tell myself that if they’re not staring, I must be having a bad day. :)
August 9th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
i feel that personal style is just that, personal. others may not “get it” or may make assumptions about us due to our choices in clothing, but that’s life.
for those who are truly stylish, and actually set the trends, and not follow them, some risk-taking must be involved. otherwise, how does one find what works for them? i mean, how are trends going to be created, or good ideas discovered if someone doesn’t go out on a limb and try it first? :) people might think you crazy at first, but you may just start something.
and for those who like to keep up with trends, there is also some risk-taking as well. again, it’s a matter of sorting through what’s out there and trying on a trend to see if it’s a good fit for one’s personal style.
anyone who doesn’t understand this experimentalism, and doesn’t appreciate the deeper aspects of personal style, and what personal style, whatever that may be, says about an individual, is best ignored.
i used to get looks and it used to irk me, but now i just ignore and move on. or smile back. i make no apologies for myself or what i favor fashion-wise. like you said, it’s only clothes. :D
August 9th, 2006 at 3:25 pm
Hi Agathe! I have just started reading in July! It is so neat to “meet” new people through their blogs. I am probalby not as daring as some of your other readers in clothing (I LOVE you sense of fun and style). I am trying to build a 1920’s and 1050’s style wardrobe. Like flappers, June Cleaver, sexy secretary, and Jackie O. As trends towards teens get more and more slutty (over here in the States anyways) I keep reverting to June Cleaver (From Leave it to Beaver.) She was always cute and polished yet classic. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us! It’s absolutely wonderful!
August 9th, 2006 at 3:52 pm
I totally agree with you and feel the same way.
I don’t know why fashion is seen in so many different lights. Most of the people I have around me think fashion is stupid, ridiculous, unsensible, and a waste of time and money.
Not many people understand why I do The Fashionable Housewife blog. They think I’m wasting my time. They don’t understand why I buy a $80 t-shirt from Juicy Couture instead of just buying a $3 t-shirt from my local Wal Mart.
Some people will never get it. It has gotten to the point where I can let it affect me or bother me anymore. I shouldn’t have to conform to what people want from me and neither should you, nor anybody else.
You wear what you want to wear, when you want to wear it. And if anybody has something negative to say about it, too bad for them. They aren’t worth your time.
Clothes are important. They make up part of who you are and a huge part of how people perceive you. I would rather dress nice and risk having people think I’m shallow, then dress like a homeless person and have people not even notice me, respect me, or even think bad of me.
If anyone else criticizes you for the way you dress, they are only showing their insecurities. That should make you feel better about yourself, because you know that you are stronger than them, and thank God for that!
August 9th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
I’m seventeen, so I guess I’m still in the “growing up-phase”, I love fashion and I live in a small town so I can definatelly relate.
I could go on and on about how fashion is an artform.. But really why bother? If people are so stupid that they think that you can judge someone from the way he/she dresses, why pay them any attention? Keep doing what you are doing, because not only do you have interesting thoughts about fashion, you also seem to have a really nice personality. And in the end, isn’t that all that really matters?
August 9th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
perhaps its the fact that i’ve grown as a person and life experiences have taught me to express myself the way I want to instead of worrying about conforming all the time. Also, I have to agree with you, Agathe, that in the end its just clothes, but maybe the wearer’s confidence is what will touch people eventually to change their mindset.
August 9th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
Thank you all of you for being so open and sharing your thoughts!
Oslostil, you’re probably right that it’s often people with low self asteem that make these assumptions. It feels safe to be part of a group.
Vdoprincess, I’m glad you feel that way! Let us “outsiders” stick together. :)
Tricia, you’re so right that there needs to be a lot of risk taking in fashion. I often find myself thinking new things are ugly then to change my mind when I’ve gotten used to the idea.
Jen, a 20’s and 50’s wardrobe sounds so classy! It definately beats all the slutty looks and to me those decades are eternally stylish.
Sarah-Jean, most people around me don’t speak their mind very often so I don’t get to hear what they actually think. I get some snarky comments once in a while and a few looks that are pretty clear, mostly from girls. I’m glad you’re writing your blog even though people around you don’t understand. I never get why some people think I’m so materialistic for spending my money on clothes while they themselves spend all their money on home movie theaters or cars.
Hilda, I lived on that place until I was 18-19 and I remember so well how it was to be 17. In one way I didn’t fit in but at the same time I felt so strong for not changing who I was for it. I hope you do the same!
Krish, I’m hoping that people will get more open for all kinds of styles so that none of us need to be afraid to express ourselves!
August 9th, 2006 at 9:58 pm
Thanks Agathe and everyone who commented–it’s so nice to hear your thoughts on this.
In the last 2 years, people have commented on how I’m always so “dressed up” or when I’m wearing particular outfits, they ask if I’m going anywhere. No, I’m not going anywhere else–if I’m going to be spending 10-12 hours in school each day, why not have just 10 minutes of fun picking out an outfit and look good for the rest of the day? I didn’t really let those comments bother me because I was confident about my style–if it doesn’t work one day, it’ll be OK on the next.
I had no qualms about experimenting with outfits until now. I’m about to graduate into a very conservative profession. I guess I’m apprehensive about how my colleagues will remember me and how their perceptions may affect my getting a job in the future. While my fears are not entirely unfounded, I think I’ll be OK as long as I don’t dress slutty (which I never have). If anyone thinks I’m dumb, I have the credentials to prove otherwise. I’ll try to continue wearing my clothes with confidence.
August 9th, 2006 at 10:15 pm
I am starting my Master’s next week and while I don’t worry about work and dress codes yet I know I will have to within the next two years. I guess in the end it’s our skills that are important, but it would be nice to be taken serious from the start. I hope you won’t have a problem finding a job. I bet it’ll work out.
I am so with you on dressing up even when there’s not a special occation. The big occations are so few anyway and I don’t want to go through life without wearing what makes me feel good. I’m just thinking that everyday is a party and leave it at that. :)
August 9th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
I live in Montreal, a big city that considers itself to be very fashionable and forward thinking, but you wouldn’t believe how many dirty looks and stares I get when riding the metro or walking around my neighborhood. There are so many ignorant, narrow minded mainstream people who think it’s weird that I would choose to wear something like, a pair of tight white jeans with vitnage boots under a puffsleeve dress from H&M. At school, where I study art, I fit in with everyone else who is taking risks and thinking more progressively, but I hate the feeling I get when I see people giving sideways glances. Sadly I guess some people just don’t get it and they’re happy to dress like everyone else.
August 10th, 2006 at 2:31 am
hello there, i totally agree with how you feel. I get that too. But at the end of the day if ur outfits make you feel you, then you should just ignore those people. Only care about the opinions of those who care for you. You are who you are & those people are just shallow themselves if they judge you by your exterior. :-) And i totally agree with all the outfits to suit the mood. Outfits that make u feel safe & all. :-) Whats that outfit? Mine is boots & a medium-large bag & something simple like a vest. :-)
August 10th, 2006 at 4:19 am
Adding to the Conversation…”Fashion and Acceptance”…
Agathe over at Style Bytes has a post on Fashion and Acceptance which has spurred some of my thoughts and feelings on the subject, so I thought I’d extend the conversation over here at my blog… I know that I……
August 10th, 2006 at 10:40 am
I haven´t visited your blog before, but now it’s on my daily check-list - great blog!
This post hit me right in the heart. I have a similar background - from small town to Oslo - but still I feel confined.
These days it feels like my style has completely deteriorated, because I don´t even buy quirky stuff that I like anymore, it is not appropriate for work.
This inspired me to be better at not worrying about what people think.
By the way - took a peak inside your closet further down - wow, looks like heaven. :)
August 11th, 2006 at 12:09 am
Hey Agathe! It’s such a relief to actually find other people that has met the same challenges as me growing up in rural Norway!! You really hit the nail with this one.
And I can’t stop bragging about this blog; I’m totally and utterly taken by your thoughts and your incredible ability to express youself in english!!!
Have you lived overseas?
Keep up the good work. Found this story at HILDMG, btw.
August 11th, 2006 at 9:13 am
Interesting post and comments!
Hmm, I have always dressed to suit my mood. If you look at my clothes, you might think that I have multiple personalities. But actually, I know clearly who I am on the inside… so it’s not about finding the right image for me. I don’t think I’ll ever conform to society’s expectations to dress only one way. BUT BUT BUT: I think one reason I have a lot of trouble making friends with girls is that they don’t trust me, because they can’t put my style into a specific “genre.” It makes them suspicious… I don’t really have a solution to that yet.
August 11th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
Freshness, I think all that is needed is a little practice. :) I was in a relationship a few years back with a guy that had a lot of opinions of what I should wear and I ended up bending for it after a while. When the relationship was over I had to seriously work with starting shopping all the quirky things I liked again and not being less conscious about what people thought of me. It didn’t take long before I was back on track, but it feels strange to begin with.
Fashion.faux.pas, good to hear that my English is OK. :) I’ve never lived outside Norway but I’ve always read a lot in English. I’m a bit worse off when it comes to speaking though - I’m a little out of practise there!
YY, I also have a hard time making friends with girls, especially if they have a specific style. I guess we end up making consumptions about each other which in the end leaves it easier to make friends with guys. Hope that changes some time…